A Winter Update

Bless me, bloggers, for I have sinned.  It has been six weeks since my last posting.

I should know by now that my writing output is one of the most obvious things to suffer during my self-imposed hibernation.  But just because I haven’t been reporting on my goings-on doesn’t mean that they haven’t been happening.  Let me fill you in…

I’ve stayed active.  Knowing that my metabolism slows as the temperature lowers, and that there are plenty of treats to be had this time of year, I’ve added in extra work-outs with my buddy, Alex.  He finally wore me down and got me to agree to try the Insanity Workout program.  So here’s a taste of what he and I get up to three times a week.

Insanity Workout

A more leisurely athletic accomplishment came just before Thanksgiving, when my fellow agents and I finally defeated the casting directors at show biz softball!  I went 4 for 4 at the plate during our 17-7 drubbing of our dreaded opponents.  There was the typical trash-talking and dirt-kicking, but when all was said and done, we still got together at a dive bar on Avenue A to enjoy pitchers and wings.

Yeah, I look like I need that pitcher, don't I?

But outdoing me on all fronts was kickball legend Stacy, running her second (or was it third?) New York City marathon!  She’s gone from Ol’ Whiskey Lips to Ol’ Whiskey Hips!  Way to go, Stacy!

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I made my first trip to the movies in ages to see The Muppets, which I thought was absolutely delightful.  Writer and star Jason Segel imbued the film with the love and reverence of a true fan.  It keeps the spirit of the old Muppet films and TV shows but gives it enough modern sourness and self-awareness to mesh with today’s comic tastes, so as to not feel like a stale reboot.  And the songs by Bret McKenzie were a wonderful surprise.

I also did some reading these past weeks.  A duo of works by Hollywood’s hardest-working funny ladies, Ellen DeGeneres and Tina Fey, were enjoyable as expected, but surprisingly opposing in style.  Ellen’s Seriously…I’m Kidding is half comic essays on her life of late as an established celebrity, and half left-over material from her talk show monologues (I say “left-over” because they honestly weren’t that funny).  But Tina Fey’s Bossypants is a full-blown memoir in which the good-natured author reveals that, after spending half her life climbing the show biz ladder, she still holds a handful of axes to grind.  And like any good writer, she doesn’t mince words (“The definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore”).

I also reached a benchmark in my American history reading, having now cleared the Civil War era.  My latest selection was Eli N. Evans’s Judah P. Benjamin: The Jewish Confederate.  Evans’s biography of the most powerful pre-twentieth century Jew in American politics is deeply interesting.  Benjamin, born to modest means in the British Caribbean, wound up becoming a United States senator and one of the architects of the Confederacy.  As Jefferson Davis’s most trusted professional ally, Benjamin was right at the heart of the Confederate machine.  But for all his skill as a politician, it was his legal talents that he was most remembered for.  It was how he made his fortune as a young man in New Orleans, and how he later supported himself–quite comfortably–in England, following his escape from the South.  Since Benjamin destroyed most of his papers during and after his flight from America, Evans is forced to explain Benjamin’s life from some interesting perspectives: as a friend of Jefferson and Varina Davis, and as a prominent Jew living in a place and time in which anti-Semitism soared among the populace.  Benjamin proves to have had a powerfully analytic mind, and seems to have had a disturbing ability to apply it to his personal life.  His marriage to the notoriously unfaithful Natalie St. Martin was worth increasing his social standing; his adherence to his faith waxed and waned as necessary given the personal or professional company he kept; his wholesale rejection of his time at the forefront of Union and Confederate politics was simply a bit of show to impress his British colleagues.  Everything was a means to an end; and as such, his loyalty to anyone but his beloved brother-in-law, Jules, and his daughter, Ninette, appears to have been completely flexible.  Given the incomplete source material, Evans has done a good job in painting a full portrait of a man who apparently was content to have been forgotten.

Finally, you’ll be happy to know that in a week or so, I’ll be posting some outrageous tales of adventure, as I am leaving soon to visit my best bud, Kevin, in tropical St. Maarten!  This is the biggest adventure of 2011.  I aim to close the year out with a bang.  Stay tuned, readers!

~ T

Reboot!

Don’t worry, bored friends across the globe.  The Honestly Blog will be back for the new year.  Try as I might, I never seem to be able to avoid the hibernation that the holiday season invites, even though I’m not a bear (…or am I?).  All that means is that I’ve got a long list of resolutions for 2011, chief among them being getting back to this blog!  So stay tuned for further updates.  As you can already see, I’ve given the place a nice little make-over.  And there’s a story behind that new header image…

 

Let's do it!

 

~ T

Tweedle-ee Deet!

Over Labor Day weekend, I took a trip to the Verizon store because I was entitled to an upgrade.  I was feeling confident, and so I decided to graduate from my wee LG to a genuine smart phone, the Droid2.

It's not so intimidating once you get rid of the foreboding, all-seeing eye.

Now I am not a gearhead or a gadget man, but I have to say I’m enjoying the Droid2 so far.  I’ve almost mastered the basic functions, and I’m having fun seeing what else this beast can do.

One of the things I definitely wanted to do was start a Twitter account for The Honestly Blog.  Why, you ask?  Because, my dear readers, comedy is nothing more than the well-honed art of observation.  And there are countless things I observe each day that could really make you laugh.  So follow me if you’d like an abridged dose of humor throughout your day.  I foresee this technological upgrade being most helpful in bringing back that old blog standard, the Honestly of the Week.

Bawk bawk b'gwak!

~ T

The Dell from Hell

Greetings, readers!

For the past week, I’ve been living an early ’90s existence without a working laptop.  This has meant an obvious lack of blogging.  But, just like a secondary character on Lost, I’m back from the dead, and I’ve got stories to tell.

First and foremost, if you’re ever thinking about getting a Dell computer…don’t.  I have a Dell, and it will be my last after the circus I encountered this week.  After having my computer professionally de-bugged, I was still faced with constant freezing and crashing.  I finally called Dell tech support and they walked me through some diagnostics.  The results of those tests led the voice on the other end of the phone to believe that the guts of my computer needed to be replaced.  Hard drive, motherboard, fan, keyboard–the works.  It was the computer equivalent of a simultaneous heart, brain, and lung transplant.

I was told that the parts would be ordered next-day delivery, arriving at a technician on Tuesday morning, who would call to set up an appointment with me that afternoon.  Fine.   I took my laptop to work on Tuesday and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Finally, at 5:00 I called Dell and asked where my technician was.  No one ever showed.  No one ever called.

I was told that my request had not been processed.  “I don’t understand,” I said.  “Do you not have the proper information from me?  Are you missing something from me?”  No, I was told, they had sufficient information.  “Well, is this because the parts are not available yet?”  Oh no, I was told, the parts were always in supply.  No, my report failed to be processed because, well, they were having some trouble with their database.

Yes.  The people I had called to help me fix my computer had to call people to help fix their computer.

So, finally, on Thursday a technician arrived to perform the necessary procedure on my laptop.  The surgery was so extensive she had to come back on Friday.  It wasn’t until this weekend that I even had a moment to sit down and download some necessary programs to it.  It’s still not fully loaded, and it’s still giving me trouble (currently, it doesn’t recognize any USB devices), but at least this was all covered under my warranty, which still has six months left on it.

But here’s my question: If Dell foot the bill to put brand new innards in the body of my old laptop, will they be extending the warranty to cover those new parts?  It would make sense.  Basically, they’ve just given me a new computer, just in the body of an old one.  If I went out and bought a new one, you bet they’d offer a warranty.  So will they give me any satisfaction from keeping me out of the loop and away from my adoring public for an entire week?  I expect a follow-up phone call to gauge my response any day now.

~ T

Kickball Rain-Out

Attention, sports fans.  I’m disappointed to report that this week’s kickball season opener has been postponed due to inclement weather.  The 24+ hours of rain we had over the weekend has turned Momma Johnson Park into an unnavigable mud pit and until the grounds crew can undo the damage, the season must remain on hold.

As a consolation prize, I give you a picture from last Friday’s practice session, which just about sums up the entire evening.

~ T

A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to the Forum: Travels in Italy – Coming Soon

Hi, faithful readers!

I apologize that I haven’t yet posted some tales from my time in Italy.  Believe me, there are stories and photos galore.  However, since I returned, there have been some other things that I needed to focus my attention on.  All’s good in the neighborhood; no need for concern.  I hope tomorrow to sit down and properly begin recapping my adventures in the Eternal City and beyond.

In the meantime, here are some pictures for you to enjoy.

Piazza di Spagna

The Trevi Fountain

A ceiling in the Vatican Museums

Visitors to the Forum

Inside the Duomo in Florence

Outside Florence's Palazzo Vecchio

A view from the Ponte Vecchio, Florence

~ T

Roman Holiday (And Then Some)

Buona sera, readers.

The Honestly Blog will be running silent for the next week.  I am leaving tomorrow afternoon for my first trip to Italy.  I’ll be spending six days in Rome (and one in Florence) with some members of the family, both biologic and honorary.  I promise to return with oodles of photos and many amusing tales.  This could well be the year’s big adventure; you and I are both spoiled that it’s happening so soon.

So, until my return…  Arrivederci!

~ T

Crossing the Line

Today is the last day of 2009.  Feeling unavoidably nostalgic, I have to say that I’m rather proud of myself.  This very blog is proof positive that I stuck to one of my biggest resolutions.  I created a blog, a little slice of digital self-expression, and maintained it faithfully for a whole year.  162 posts; that averages out to be about one entry every two-and-a-quarter days.  That’s not a bad output.

As a new year and decade approach, I’ve been thinking about what my new New Year’s resolutions should be.  I think my two biggest resolutions from ’09–write this blog, get in shape–are simply going to be renewed for 2010.  They’re fun, they’re sometimes challenging, and they make me feel good; reason enough to keep at them.  Oh, there will be others.  Unfortunately, one that immediately jumps to mind is one that, for a few good reasons, I can’t discuss in great detail.  Let’s just say I’ll be concentrating on finding something new.  Something that rhymes with “blob”.

I left the title of this post a little ambiguous because I didn’t want to think of this as reaching the finish line.  I’m not finished with my resolutions, least of all with this blog.  But it isn’t really a starting point, either.  So, we’ll just say that I have completed a very long first lap.

I’m headed out to the Never Never Land of Hoboken this evening, to turn the calendar with some familiar faces and some new ones.  I’m looking forward to it, and to what comes next.

Happy New Year, tossers.

~ T

I’m Still Here

Hello, readers!  Yes, I am alive and well, and sincerely apologetic for this unprecedented lapse in updating.  If it’s any consolation, the main reason that I haven’t been writing is because I’ve been having lots of adventures.  So, pull up a chair and stir up some Swiss Miss, and allow me to catch you up…

The end to one hell of a year

I would usually write in the evenings, but how could I possibly keep my eyes anywhere but on the TV earlier this month, what with the Yankees winning the World Series?  It was a great series overall, and ended with a decisive win for my boys in pinstripes at their new home.  Most importantly of all, at least for me, is that Alex Rodriguez finally has a ring–and he earned it.  The sleeping giant of the post-season was at last awakened.  Seeing all his neuroses melt away after the final out made me smile.  For the first time in a long time, he looked like he was having fun.  I don’t think I knew the dizzying highs and lows of fandom until this World Series.  No doubt if they had lost to the Phillies, I would still be in mourning.  Now, however, I am already counting the days until spring training.

My other preferred time for updating the blog is on the weekends, but most of those this month have been spent on the road, driving to see my brother play football.  His game at the Merchant Marine Academy on Long Island brought out quite a vocal, local crowd, and Mom and I drove up to his campus this past Saturday for his final game.  It was a bitter loss to unruly Susquehanna University.  It was understandably hard for my brother, the senior, to say good-bye to something that has been such a huge part of his life since he first went out for the team in seventh grade; but he tends to be even more resourceful and adventurous than I, so I’m sure he’ll find entertaining ways to spend his new free time.  Regardless, I’m impressed by and proud of him.  Here’s to you, little brother.

With Connor, after beating Merchant Marine

But don’t think that I was only watching sports this month.  No, sir.  Two Sundays ago, Yours Truly was in East River Park with some fellow show biz types, playing softball.  Organized over many e-mails, a good number of us came out to take our chance at America’s pastime.  You might think  a softball game amongst theater folk would be excruciatingly low-scoring and mind-numbingly slow.  You’d be wrong.  This was a genuine contest.  The agents’ team came up short to the casting directors, 9 – 7, but it was a lot of fun.  Rumors are spreading of another athletic challenge in the new year.  Volleyball, perhaps?

My teammates, the Sharks

There has been kickball, of course.  After waltzing away with an 11 – 3 victory in Week 5, we were scrambling like mad to overcome a four-run deficit in Week 6…which, of course, we did.  Snatching victory from the jaws of defeat, courtesy of a ceaseless rally clap led by Yours Truly, we added another W to our column with an epic 9 – 6 win.  Our juice ran out, though, in Week 7.  An incredibly tight game ended in a 2 – 1 loss.  Yet our 4 – 2 – 1 regular season record was enough to earn us the #2 seed in the play-offs.  The post-season begins (and ends) next Tuesday at 7:00.  I realize this is a rather brief summation of the second half of our season, so I’d be remiss not to mention that Scott earned MVP status in Week 6, and Jill had the Quote of the Week that same night for loudly telling Erin she needed a muzzle.

Kate Baldwin and Cheyenne Jackson

It hasn’t been all athletics all the time for me, though.  I took in a performance of the Broadway revival of Finian’s Rainbow.  This is the first major revival of the show since it’s debut 60-some odd years ago.  I expect it will be 60-some odd years before anyone revives it again.  It’s not that the show was bad.  The direction was smart, and its cast (charming Jim Norton, clever Christopher Fitzgerald, lovely Kate Baldwin, and even lovelier Cheyenne Jackson) is wonderfully talented and delightfully paired.  There’s two or three truly great songs, and the choreography was energetic and lively.  But the show is just dated; not necessarily in its material, but in its tone and style.  The story is virtually nonexistent, and when you try to put it into words, it’s just silly: an Irishman steals a pot of gold from underneath a rainbow and, fleeing its leprechaun owner, comes to the Jim Crow South where his headstrong daughter instantly falls for the local hero and also succeeds in turning a bigoted white politician, with his own eyes on the gold, into a black man.  Finian’s Rainbow comes from a time when musical theater still didn’t always have to have a point or a context.  Rodgers and Hammerstein were working concurrently to Finian’s Harburg and Lane to change that, thankfully.  The cons outweigh the pros here; Finian’s is one you can skip, unfortunately.

Also underwhelming was the Star Wars: Crimson Empire collection, scripted by Mike Richardson and Randy Stradley.  The break-neck pacing yields confusion rather than excitement, and the number of lost character-building opportunities are too great to count, particularly in Part II.  The hero of the story is Kir Kanos, one of the Emperor’s former Royal Guardsmen, who is out to avenge the wrong done to his slain master.  A guy like that is hard to get behind.  The depthless traitorous Imperials he hunts and his two-bit Mara Jade-knock-off love interest aren’t terribly compelling either.  The only delight for true Star Wars fans comes in the form of a small supporting role played by the nefarious Nom Anor, who later goes on to become a major heavy in the New Jedi Order series.  Consider this one ripe for a book sale.

Finally, one of the reasons I have been lacking in my output, is because I have begun preparing in earnest for a future adventure.  Come February 2010, I will be traveling to Rome, and as such, I have started brushing up my Italian.  After six years of middle school and high school lessons, I’m surprised how much I’ve retained.  Still, I’m the designated translator for my companions, so there is work to be done.  I don’t expect to read much else other than Italian for Dummies (no joke, it’s awesome!) in my free time between now and then, but I’m enjoying it!

And there you have it, ladies and germs.  There will still be things to write about before the holiday blitz, so stay tuned.  I’m back in the saddle and I’m going to ride this bucking bronco of a blog straight through to Christmukkah!

~ T

Technical Difficulties

Sorry for the week of silence, readers.  I was all set to recap last Thursday’s kickball game on Friday evening, and then encountered some internet-prohibitng error on my computer.  I hope to have it cleared up in the next few days.  So, until that is fixed, expect less frequent postings.  The only other internet access I have is at work, so we’ll see how much I can get away with.

~T