In my last post, I lamented the lack of enlightening fare being served up on the nation’s allegedly educational cable networks. Perhaps I spoke too soon.
Check out this video from National Geographic, which kicked off their ongoing series investigating the impact of the human population on planet Earth, which is poised to pass seven billion this year.
Those are some astonishing statistics. I’m also really digging the music.
I expect that the National Geographic Channel will have some programming to tie into the flagship magazine’s study of the population boom. However, in a perfectly timed bit of thematic kismet, the BBC has already begun promoting its next landmark survey of the natural world. This time the subject is us.
The moral of the story so far is that the next time you can’t find a parking spot or your iPhone drops a call, just remember that you could be ice fishing in Siberia with your life on the line. Seriously, though, Human Planet looks absolutely fascinating, and I hope one of my maligned Discovery networks will pick it up Stateside.
My television viewing habits have greatly decreased in the past five years. That’s partly because I don’t have as much time for it, and partly because I don’t enjoy much of what’s on. Nevertheless, I’m aware of most TV trends, including the accelerated blue-collar-ization of the Discovery family of networks.
You can still find astonishing and enlightening programming like Planet Earth on the mothership Discovery Channel, at least when they’re not airing docudramas about motorcycle makers or amateur survivalists fond of do-it-yourself enemas. Animal Planet has filled the void left by Steve Irwin’s unorthodox yet educational adventures with head-scratchers like It’s Me or the Dog and Pit Bulls and Parolees. And let’s not forget The History Channel, which now airs more shows about speculative history than actual past events. You can catch two-hour long episodes of Ancient Aliens between runs of their acclaimed job-shadowing series about truck drivers and lumberjacks.
The biggest offender of this criminally false branding, however, must be The Learning Channel. Oh sure, at its start it was mostly an outlet for Discovery’s reruns and disturbingly graphic medical documentaries. But long before Sarah Palin’s infomercials arrived, The Learning Channel had devolved into The Freak Show Channel. Even my beloved What Not to Wear has upped the ante, now only hoping the most confrontational and mentally unstable of fashion victims. Stacy and Clinton, I expected more from you.
"Shh! We're hiding until the next season starts."
Suffice to say, when I saw this spoof promo for upcoming programming on TLC, I wasn’t entirely sure that some of these shows weren’t already airing.
“Cake Whores” makes me laugh every time. And sadly, I would probably watch “9 Fat Kids, 1 Dessert”. As for “Dwarf Hoarders”, would that be about small people who collect random possessions, or normal-sized people who collect dwarfs?
Over Labor Day weekend, I took a trip to the Verizon store because I was entitled to an upgrade. I was feeling confident, and so I decided to graduate from my wee LG to a genuine smart phone, the Droid2.
It's not so intimidating once you get rid of the foreboding, all-seeing eye.
Now I am not a gearhead or a gadget man, but I have to say I’m enjoying the Droid2 so far. I’ve almost mastered the basic functions, and I’m having fun seeing what else this beast can do.
One of the things I definitely wanted to do was start a Twitter account for The Honestly Blog. Why, you ask? Because, my dear readers, comedy is nothing more than the well-honed art of observation. And there are countless things I observe each day that could really make you laugh. So follow me if you’d like an abridged dose of humor throughout your day. I foresee this technological upgrade being most helpful in bringing back that old blog standard, the Honestly of the Week.
Greetings, readers. Let’s brush off the clouds of this moody Monday with something bright and shiny! Like the new music video for Scissor Sister’s “Any Which Way”, my favorite song off their new album, Night Work.
This video is a big improvement over the one for “Fire With Fire”. It’s quirky, colorful, and playful. There’s so much that I’m not sure what to make of: the pyramids of solo cups, the colored body suits, and of course the sushi cannon. It warrants repeat viewing, but that’s fine by me. Ana Matronic’s little monologue cracks me up each time. I want one of those little alarm clocks and the pyromaniac birthday cake helmet that Del Marquis gets to wear. Also, Jake Shears is ripped. I feel like I should be doing sit-ups while I watch this.
I hope you’re all familiar with one of the latest Web phenomenons, Second City’s recurring skit “The Sassy Gay Friend”. If not, I ask, “What are you doing? What, what, what are you doing?”
The premise of “The Sassy Gay Friend” is a comic examination of how some fictional characters, particularly tragic Shakespearean heroines, could have been spared their sorrow if only had they had a wise ‘mo at their side. The series began with The Sassy Gay Friend rescuing Ophelia from the riverbank.
He went on to stage successful interventions with Desdemona, Juliet, and even Biblical Eve. But for my money, the best installment so far has been this completely out-there rescue of the titular character from The Giving Tree, with a nice cameo from To Kill A Mockingbird.
Now, is The Sassy Gay Friend a broad and mildly offensive stereotype? Of course. But it is brilliant English major humor, damn it, and that is something which is in short supply in this world! I want regular monthly installments of “The Sassy Gay Friend”. There are countless fictional women he could rescue. He could tell Madame Bovary to close her legs and her checking account. He could get Alice to kick her Wonderland drug habits. He could tell Hester Prynne to hold her head high among all the hypocritical Puritans of Beantown. Even more promising would be a time-traveling Sassy Gay Friend. I’d pee my pants if he told Marie Antoinette to drop the attitude, told Cleopatra to stop screwing around with Caesar and Antony, or even tried to talk Sarah Palin out of accepting John McCain’s offer.
I hope we see more of “The Sassy Gay Friend” and his menagerie of stupid bitches.
Hey, sports fans! How ’bout that US soccer team? Our dauntless squad of sporting pseudo-celebrities continue their unlikely climb up the World Cup bracket, having defeated Algeria yesterday, 1 – 0. This means that the Americans will play Ghana on Saturday, and that for at least three more days, people in the United States will pretend they understand, enjoy, and care about soccer.
I kid, I kid. Some of my best friends are soccer players. I have nothing but respect for the tremendous stresses they put on their bodies, and the relentless effort with which they play. But, come on, let’s face it: when it comes to the World Cup, America has always been the red-headed stepchild of the competition. We’re the people who were so arrogant and xenophobic that we had to make up two entirely new sports (warped and bastardized adaptations of existing games, to be sure) just to keep the world’s most popular and most practical game from taking root here in this, our nation, unique among all others. But once every four years, we kick the doors open to whatever international venue FIFA has chosen and swagger in like we’ve been a part of it since the Aztecs were playing for beating human hearts instead of a garish golden trophy. It’s so shallow, so disingenuous, so…American.
But, seriously, I wish Team USA the best. I mean, it’s hard not to cheer on these guys. Strictly by virtue of being the American soccer team, they’re underdogs. Who doesn’t want to root for the underdog? Plus, when you have squad members like Benny Feilhaber putting videos like the one embedded below on YouTube for the world to see, how could you not want to see them succeed?
Can I just say…honestly, Benny Feilhaber? It’s not enough that you’re good enough at soccer to earn a place on the national squad which competes in the world’s most elite competition, but you have to be humorous and self-effacing as well? Is it really necessary for you to be a better lip-syncher than any contestant on RuPaul’s Drag Race, what with your funny faces and diva gesticulations and punning literal dance moves? Must you have a perfectly shaped dome, a strong and confident chin, rakish facial hair that I’m sure requires little or no maintenance (it just grows in cool that way), pouty lips that frame a dental hygienist’s wet dream, and those steel cobalt eyes that are simultaneously so cold and so warm, so hard and so soft, which slowly and inexorably draw me in, more effective than any state fair hypnotist’s pocket watch could ever hope to be, and delicately yet insistently command me to surrender control to you, Benny Feilhaber? Why must you toy with us mere mortals on this earthly realm, Benny Feilhaber? Do you understand the paradox your very existence suggests? Tell me, Benny Feilhaber, is it fair?
Hello again, dear readers, and welcome to summer! Yes, everyone’s favorite season (well, everyone except the clinically depressed and severely misguided who look forward to winter) began with the recent Memorial Day holiday. I hope you had a weekend full of stories. I sure did, and I’ll be sharing them with you soon.
But in the meantime, let’s celebrate the start of June with this now-classic YouTube selection of the otherwise incredibly talented Leslie Uggams singing on the National Mall. Why? Just because it’s June.
I’m pleased to announce that a good friend of mine has joined the blogosphere. The lovely Sara, my partner in dramatic readings and chipwich consumption, has begun a summer stint studying in Holland. Her accommodations there come in the form of a re-purposed box car. She has started a blog, appropriately called Home Sweet Container, to catalog her adventures in a foreign land. I’m expecting great stories.
Has the dismal weather forecast got you down? Are you dreading the high holy days with your relatives? Do you just have a serious case of the Mondays? Well, then I have the cure for what ails you.
Here for your viewing pleasure is one devoted theater fan’s solo interpretation of “It’s All Over” from Dreamgirls. You know, the musical argument between every character? It’s fantastic. His reaction shots as Effie are particularly priceless.
And don’t judge. You all know you’ve done the same thing in the privacy of your own homes. Or at least I have, just with full stage blocking for the scene instead of video editing and costumes.
