It’s A Small World After All

In my last post, I lamented the lack of enlightening fare being served up on the nation’s allegedly educational cable networks.  Perhaps I spoke too soon.

Check out this video from National Geographic, which kicked off their ongoing series investigating the impact of the human population on planet Earth, which is poised to pass seven billion this year.

Those are some astonishing statistics.  I’m also really digging the music.

I expect that the National Geographic Channel will have some programming to tie into the flagship magazine’s study of the population boom.  However, in a perfectly timed bit of thematic kismet, the BBC has already begun promoting its next landmark survey of the natural world.  This time the subject is us.

The moral of the story so far is that the next time you can’t find a parking spot or your iPhone drops a call, just remember that you could be ice fishing in Siberia with your life on the line.  Seriously, though, Human Planet looks absolutely fascinating, and I hope one of my maligned Discovery networks will pick it up Stateside.

I know.  I’m a tremendous dork.  But a proud one.

~ T

Learn Something

My television viewing habits have greatly decreased in the past five years.  That’s partly because I don’t have as much time for it, and partly because I don’t enjoy much of what’s on.  Nevertheless, I’m aware of most TV trends, including the accelerated blue-collar-ization of the Discovery family of networks.

You can still find astonishing and enlightening programming like Planet Earth on the mothership Discovery Channel, at least when they’re not airing docudramas about motorcycle makers or amateur survivalists fond of do-it-yourself enemas.  Animal Planet has filled the void left by Steve Irwin’s unorthodox yet educational adventures with head-scratchers like It’s Me or the Dog and Pit Bulls and Parolees.  And let’s not forget The History Channel, which now airs more shows about speculative history than actual past events.  You can catch two-hour long episodes of Ancient Aliens between runs of their acclaimed job-shadowing series about truck drivers and lumberjacks.

The biggest offender of this criminally false branding, however, must be The Learning Channel.  Oh sure, at its start it was mostly an outlet for Discovery’s reruns and disturbingly graphic medical documentaries.  But long before Sarah Palin’s infomercials arrived, The Learning Channel had devolved into The Freak Show Channel.  Even my beloved What Not to Wear has upped the ante, now only hoping the most confrontational and mentally unstable of fashion victims.  Stacy and Clinton, I expected more from you.

 

"Shh! We're hiding until the next season starts."

Suffice to say, when I saw this spoof promo for upcoming programming on TLC, I wasn’t entirely sure that some of these shows weren’t already airing.

 

“Cake Whores” makes me laugh every time.  And sadly, I would probably watch “9 Fat Kids, 1 Dessert”.  As for “Dwarf Hoarders”, would that be about small people who collect random possessions, or normal-sized people who collect dwarfs?

Moral of the story, friends?  Read a book.

~ T

Young Hollywood

I have seen a minor handful of the films that earned Academy Award nominations this week.  Combining that with how utterly dreadful I thought last year’s Oscar show was, I’m seriously debating whether or not to even watch.  But this first promo of this year’s hosting duo, James Franco and Anne Hathaway, has piqued my interest.

It’s not anything brilliant, but it does make me want to share a pizza with them and just shoot the shit.  That can happen, right?

~ T

Your 2011 State of the Union LiveBlog

Good evening, citizens.  Welcome to The Honestly Blog’s 2011 State of the Union LiveBlog.  As I did last year, I will be commenting on the president’s address, as well as the opposition’s rebuttal.  I will also be doling out plaudits and demerits to any number of individuals the cameras happen to capture.  It is my hope that this can make this occasionally dreadful event more enjoyable for you.

So, fellow patriots, let’s begin…

The President of the United States, in his rarely seen "Say what?" stance

8:50 PM: Can I just say, this Heroes/The Incredibles knock-off show on ABC has painfully bad special effects.

8:58 PM: Good to see the dad from 7th Heaven still gets work.  Okay, seriously, can we get this show on the road, folks?

9:01 PM: That ridiculous trailer for the State of the Union may make me change channels.

9:02 PM: Oh, good.  A new ribbon that we can use to evaluate people’s loyalty.

9:05 PM: Where are the other three Justices?  I’m sure there’s probably a security reason for keeping them home, but I sincerely hope they’re just on somebody’s couch with popcorn and beer.

9:07 PM: That Congressman had braces!

9:10 PM: Will Speaker John Boehner cry tonight?  Stay tuned…

9:11 PM: Not liking Boehner’s tie.  -1

9:12 PM: That fat Congressman from Arizona couldn’t even be bothered to wear a tie.  Honestly…?  -20

9:14 PM: It might be inappropriate, but Mrs. O is a stone cold fox.  +25

9:15 PM: Thank you, Mr. O, for making a slight dig at this ridiculous seating arrangement.  +2

9:19 PM: Remarkable speech writing.  This is the most delicate way of taking America by the shoulders, shaking it violently, and saying, “Wake the fuck up!” +20 to the communications team.

9:21 PM: I think the Secretary of Commerce has pink eye.

9:23 PM: Claps for Facebook!  Honestly…?

9:24 PM: Senator Nelson of Florida looks like a vampire.  -5

9:26 PM: The only problem with clean energy initiatives is that it’s not as sexy as going into space.

9:28 PM: People are sitting in the aisles!

9:29 PM: Barack Obama, leader of the nerd rebellion.  +1

9:30 PM: No!  The first black president can not use the phrase “show you the money”.  No, no, and no.  -10

"Ask not what your country can do for you..."

9:33 PM: John Boehner is exhausted.  C’mon, Mr. Speaker, step up to the plate.  -5.

9:35 PM: That lady just mouthed “That’s me,” to the people on either side of her when the president mentioned her.  Honestly…?

9:36 PM: Did John Kerry have a stroke?

9:40 PM: Nancy Pelosi’s “date” for the evening is outstanding!  Way to go, Nance.  +10 for you.

9:42 PM: Are all these new ties to South Korea going to bite us in the ass when North Korea loses its marbles again?

9:43 PM: That lady in the leopard print has no neck.

9:44 PM: Ah, health care reform.  Now we know where the Democrats sit.

9:47 PM: Balancing the books is “the final step” in securing the future?  Not, um, getting out of two rudderless wars?

9:48 PM: Michelle Bachmann clearly had some Botox tonight.

9:52 PM: Bernie Sanders looks about five hours shy of death.

9:56 PM: Well, if you put all this information online, but most Americans still don’t have internet access, isn’t that rather pointless?  Or is it precisely what you’re after?

9:58 PM: Oh, good, you remembered we’re at war.

10:00 PM: “Afghanistanis with AIDS?”  Sorry, couldn’t resist The Office reference.

10:02 PM: Really piling it on North Korea tonight, huh?

10:04 PM: Supporting the new Tunisian government before there is a new Tunisian government seems risky.

10:06 PM: And the Joint Chiefs remain stone-faced at the mention of gays.

10:07 PM: Kay Bailey Hutchinson is wearing an old marching band uniform.  -3.

10:09 PM: Joe Biden finally gets to flash the teeth!  +5.

10:11 PM: Not sure how a story about the Chilean miners is going to tie this all together.

10:12 PM: “We do big things” is going to be a hilarious bumper sticker.

Well, that wasn’t bad.  It was way more focused at the beginning.  The last fifteen minutes seemed kind of sloppy, with obligatory pep rally talk.  I’ll tally up the points later.  Now, let’s get ready for the Republican rebuttal, from Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan…

Our next guest...

10:25 PM: Congressman Ryan’s eyes look really bloodshot in HD.

10:26 PM: You’re a minute into your speech and you’re already quoting Scripture?   -15.

10:27 PM: Rep. Ryan has kids who are 6, 7, and 8 years old?  You crazy horndog, you!

10:29 PM: After the president just challenged you to move forward, looking back and bitching about health care looks kind of ridiculous.

10:32 PM: If he ever loses his seat, Rep. Ryan can easily land a gig narrating audiobooks or educational films.

10:33 PM: Um, didn’t our economy bottom out first, and that’s why other nation’s economies collapsed?

Well, that was a nice debut performance for Rep. Ryan.  I could have agreed with it more if he offered a little more that was new.  The whole strategy of identifying with the Founding Fathers is pretty stale.  Plus, seeing as how the Founding Fathers were a bunch of upper class, largely atheist, slave-owners who didn’t trust their fellow citizens to make the right choices, I don’t think they’d be terribly popular nowadays.

Now it’s time for the bonus round!  Republican Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann, a noted Tea Party member, is going to give her own rebuttal to the State of the Union.  Let’s watch…

"Here she is, boys! Here she is, world!"

10:49 PM: Oh, this is off to a bad start.  She’s not looking at the camera.

10:50 PM: Oh, no.  She’s got charts.  Charts!

10:51 PM: Does she normally talk like Sarah Palin or was that an acquired skill?

10:53 PM: I’m not sure she watched the State of the Union tonight.

10:54 PM: Now it sounds like a PBS telethon.  If you call your representative now, you’ll receive this free tote bag!

10:55 PM: The Iwo Jima photo?  Honestly…?

Well, Paul Ryan owes his next re-election to Michelle Bachmann.  She made him look Solomonic by comparison.  Rep. Ryan may have kept things a little vague, but at least he sounded sensible.  Rep. Bachmann just sounded like a paranoid weirdo, chirping about “ObamaCare” half a dozen times.  Also, the low-budget public access vibe she was giving off was seriously lacking in professionalism.  I mean, honestly, that was like watching after-school tutoring on TeleCare.  If you’re gonna put on a show, lady, put it on right.

Well, shall we tally up the totals to see who came out on top tonight?

• The fat Arizona congressman without a tie: -20
• Rep. Paul Ryan: -15
• President Obama: -7 (That’s mostly because of that “show me the money” line, which I suppose the speechwriters are really responsible for.  But, hey, he let it stay in!)
• Speaker John Boehner: -6 (If he had cried, he would have lost more.)
• Sen. Nelson of Transylvania Florida: -5
• Kay Bailey Hutchinson: -3
• Vice President Joe Biden: 5
• Rep. Nancy Pelosi: 10
• The president’s speechwriters: 20 (I really should deduct for the Jerry Maguire quote.  I really should.)

And who was tonight’s big winner?

I know, I know.  She’s just the First Lady.  But what a lady she is.  Enjoy your 25 Honestly Blog points, Mrs. Obama.  You’ve earned them.

~ T

Glee-cap: “Duets”

Sorry for the delay, Gleeks.  I’ve been a bit busy this week.  I also wasn’t quite as blown away with this week’s episode as I was with last’s.  Oh, I enjoyed it, for sure.  “Duets” was quite good, considering it had two strikes against it from the start: no Puck and no Sue.  Nevertheless, there were some head-scratching moments that left me with an overall “well…meh” feeling.  You’ll tell me what you think.  After discovering that I was in the minority who loved and wasn’t offended by “Grilled Cheesus”, maybe I’m off the mark again.

The best thing about “Duets” was that we finally got to spend some time with Sam.  How nice of the writers to remember they had a new character to play with.  What did we learn about Sam?  Well, he’s plain-spoken, impressionable, surprisingly dorky, and he puts lemon juice in his hair.  Also, it appears he’s already courting Quinn.  Very interesting.  I like Sam so far.  He’s got Finn’s dim-witted innocence, Puck’s sly confidence, and a bit of Kurt’s don’t-give-a-damn pride.  I can see Sam causing a little friction among the New Directions gang.  This should be fun to watch.

By design, “Duets” focused on coupledom in the “Glee” world, both musically and romantically.  I was surprised that I had issues with the latter as well as the former.  I don’t think there were weak moments, per se, but definitely some that were out of the blue.  Case in point: Brittany and Santana.  What’s the story there?  Throughout the run of the show, we’ve had these throw-away lines from Brittany about beautiful ladies; and like the rest of Brittany’s lines, they got played for laughs.  Now we get a quick cut to some genuine Cheerio smooches and it puts things in a different light.  It’s not that I’m demanding a label be put on it.  I don’t care if the characters are gay, bi, or curious.  It’s just that I think there’s a dangerous double-standard developing.  Kurt’s sexual identity is portrayed as this perilous path of near martyrdom, an emotional battle that affects everyone close to him, while Brittany and Santana can apparently just scissor away with no consequence.  Add in the fact that the dynamic cheerleader duo are also reputed to be McKinley High’s two biggest sluts, and it starts to seem disingenuous.  I always felt that Glee went to great pains to avoid treating its characters as objects; but without further development, Brittany and Santana are just going to become titillating punch-lines.

Ryan Murphy, these girls deserve better.

I had more to cheer and jeer with the musical numbers.  Shall we revisit them?

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart:  In the grand scheme of things, this was really a throwaway number.  It was a fun moment for the central couple of the show.  It’s a catchy, corny song.  They sang it wonderfully.  They’re very clearly in luuurrve.  Nothing really to complain about here, with the exception of the absurdly strained facial expressions from both actors.  Seriously, guys, turn it down.  It’s like their faces are threatening to just leap off their skulls.  B.

River Deep, Mountain High:  The minute the brass section started tearing into this song, I typed three words: “Fuck.  And.  Yes.”  Glee needs more Tina Turner.  Yes, we had the tongue-in-cheek “Proud Mary” last season, but Santana and Mercedes’ rendition of “River Deep, Mountain High” should be the final argument in why Ryan Murphy needs to utilize the entire catalog of one former Miss Anna Mae Bullock.  “What’s Love Got to Do With It,” “We Don’t Need Another Hero,” “The Best”–I can think of scenarios for each of these classics.  Of course, few of Ms. Turner’s songs have the fire and energy of this one.  And I think Amber Riley and Naya Rivera knocked it out of the park.  This was a display of sheer power.  There was a little too much riffing; I would have rather heard another verse of the song instead.  They redeemed themselves by perfectly mimicking Tina Turner’s trademark strut, which, now that I’ve seen other people do it, is so patently ridiculous you just have to shrug your shoulders and enjoy it.  An A- performance.  I only wish this had been the episode’s biggest production number, instead of…

Le Jazz Hot: Get comfortable, because we’re going to talk about this one for a while.

Kurt was a big part of “Duets”, as he tried to determine whether or not Sam was a fellow gay.  Getting his hopes up, he asked Sam to be his duet partner.  Finn tried to talk Kurt out of it, but seeing as how they’re not back on good terms yet, Kurt chalked it up to homophobia and refused to listen.  It wasn’t until old reliable Burt advised his son to learn to “get used to being alone” that Kurt relented and let Sam choose his own partner.

Before we go any further, can we agree that this was pretty shitty advice to give to a kid?

In what I thought was a demonstration of just how bad this advice was, Kurt marches into rehearsal and announces he’s going to perform a duet with himself, because he’s too different and too talented for anyone else in the room.  He then explains that he’s going to sing a song from “the seminal classic movie Victor/Victoria,” a film that’s about “embracing both the male and female sides”.

Well, now, Kurt and I must have been watching different movies.  I’ve seen Victor/Victoria, and it is neither a classic nor is it really about what he says it is.  Victor/Victoria is a slapstick musical comedy in which an unemployed opera singer, played by Julie Andrews, finds success and a small modicum of celebrity by masquerading as a man who plays a woman on stage in a scandalously trendy (or is it trendily scandalous?) Paris nightclub.  There are broadly drawn characters and cases of mistaken identity.  Shakespearean comic mischief ensues.  Well, at least that’s what happens when the film isn’t meandering off-track, focusing on its less interesting characters, and staging forgettable musical numbers.  But most importantly, the points made in Victor/Victoria regarding sexual identity are less about finding yourself and more about the perceptions thereof.  Julie Andrews’ character never questions her heterosexuality, and once the clever ruse is explained to her puzzled male love interest, they live happily ever after.  It’s all a joke.  And, as I’ve said earlier, Glee never treats sexuality as a joke…well, almost never.

So, with his conflicting source material in hand, Kurt launches into “Le Jazz Hot”, the only good song from the film.  But the song, both in and out of its original context, has nothing to do with the themes just discussed.  It’s just a song about jazz.  It only carries a semblance of weight when placed in the context of the film it comes from, in which it’s being performed by a woman doing double-drag duty.  Here on Glee, it’s just an excuse to reproduce one of the creator’s favorite musical sequences and dress Kurt in half-drag (and lousy half-drag at that).  Yes, Chris Colfer’s voice is clean and strong, all the way up the scale.  Yes, there’s some fun cinematography and choreography here.  But for me, this number was a complete conceptual misfire.  Even when viewed as a “let’s show ‘em what they’re missing” act of defiance by Kurt, it still comes off as shallow.  There had to have been a better–and honestly, more daring–way to handle this subplot.  “Le Jazz Hot” gets a C.

Sing: One of the high points of this episode was delving more into the Mike and Tina relationship.  They’re already having some trouble, with Mike never budging from his chicken feet salad comfort zone.  So, Tina pressures him into taking the lead on their duet.  What results is delightful.  As Tina herself says, it’s a perfect match for him and for this situation.  Their choreography was outstanding, as was their chemistry.  “Sing” was actually every bit as romantic as “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”.  My only reservation is that Jenna Ushkowitz actually sounded a little flat.  Given how little she had to do in this song, that’s kind of inexcusable.  Sorry, Tina, but this time, you’re holding Mike back.  B+.

With You I’m Born Again: This little ditty was the disappointing culmination of Finn and Rachel’s rather lackluster subplot this week.  Immediately following the mushy adorableness of “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, Rachel had the epiphany that she’s been a right bitch all season long.  Additionally, she and Finn come to the conclusion that their awesomeness will somehow push Sam away, and they desperately need him to compete with the Glee Club this year.  Um, okay.  So they conspire to throw the duet competition by giving a terrible, totally inappropriate performance.  Except…they don’t.  For one thing, they still sound wonderful.  Call me crazy, but if you want to lose a singing competition, maybe you shouldn’t sing well.  As for the “controversy,” they dressed in traditional/religious vestments while performing an obscure slow jam.  The rest of the gang was flabbergasted, while I was left wondering exactly why.  Haven’t there been far more tasteless performances on this show?  “Push It” comes to mind.  “Born Again” was, like the plot it served, weak and forgettable.  Sorry, lovebirds, but your efforts earn you a C.

Lucky: I liked “Lucky”.  Musically, it was a new style for Quinn.  Sam seems to be staking claim to all young-white-guy-with-an-acoustic-guitar songs, but I’m sure he’ll be given some other styles later.  For the moment, as his character develops, songs like this are fine.  This was actually a great character moment for both of them.  It was simply but smartly staged.  The fleeting physical and visual contact between Quinn and Sam felt authentically apprehensive and exciting.  Now that I look back on it all, romance really was in the air on Glee this week.  In their first of what I imagine will be many pairings, Quinn and Sam earn a B+.

Come On, Get Happy/Happy Days Are Here Again: So, readers, let’s test your pop culture historical knowledge.  Did the last performance of “Duets” remind you of anything?  Well, it was meant to.  See for yourselves…

For those who don’t know, that’s Barbra Streisand and Judy Garland, circa 1960.  If you caught the reference, as I did, you might have thought, as I did, “Wow.  Giving the Jewish princess and the gay kid a Streisand/Garland duet.  Original.”  They even dressed Lea Michele in the same outfit, every bit identical as her mimicry of Babs’ very inflections.  Yet on repeated viewing, this number’s grown on me.  Vocally, I think it’s the strongest duet in the Glee canon since Matt Morrison and Kristin Chenoweth did their Burt Bacharach mash-up.  Initially, I had issues with the context.  For one thing, not everyone is happy at the end of the hour.  Brittany and Santana are reaping what their bad behavior sowed, Artie’s heart’s been doubly broken, and Kurt is still suffering in silence and caring for his recovering father.  But Rachel sees that Kurt needs a boost and, trying to turn the page on her selfish past, reminds him he is loved and offers him a reason to smile.  What she offers him is a momentary escape.  She offers him a song to lose himself in, a performance to be himself in.  She offers him a reminder of what he loves about Glee Club and why what he loves is wonderful.  It’s a beautiful gesture, amplified by the fact that this feeling is what’s at the theoretical heart of the musical itself.  Yes, Lea Michele’s still pulling outrageous faces, and Ryan Murphy just lit another candle on his Streisand shrine, but the “Happy” duet still merits an A-.  If they ever do another Glee tour, I demand that this be on the set list.

Sue’s Q of the Week: Well, we don’t get a Sue Q this week.  As compensation, I offer up Santana’s best line of the evening: “I’m like a lizard.  I need something warm under me or else I can’t digest my food.”

See you in two weeks, Gleeks, when McKinley High mounts a production of Rocky Horror!

~ T

Glee-cap: “Grilled Cheesus”

Fear not, fellow Gleeks.  After that wishy-washy victory lap of a premiere and last week’s plot-free indulgences, “Grilled Cheesus” put us back on the path to the Glee we first met and fell in love with.  I might change my tune after further recollection, but my initial reaction is to say that this may have been the best episode since “Sectionals”.

Why?  So many reasons.  Primarily, it was beautifully written.  I don’t mean that in just an aesthetic sense; I mean it structurally, too.  The pacing, the characterization, the tone–it was all spot-on.  Another big plus was that it was an ensemble episode.  We spent time with virtually every character in the Glee universe.  No one was left out.  As such, this episode was chock full of nuanced subplots and subtle developments.  This was a busy hour, and Glee is at its best when it’s wasting no time.  The last reason “Grilled Cheesus” was so strong was that it was an episode united by a theme, perhaps the most complex the show has delved into.  And when you can accent your theme with appropriate songs…well, then, my friend, you have yourself a solid musical.

Kudos should go to Jayma Mays, Chris Colfer, Amber Riley, Cory Monteith, and of course Jane Lynch for their excellent work in this episode.  Some of Kurt’s and Sue’s scenes had the faint whiff of Emmy bait, but even a cynic like me can’t deny that they sold those moments.

My only complaint with the episode is that while the many subplots were precisely placed and timed, I thought the musical numbers were perhaps one or two too many.  I thought some could have been shortened or cut at the expense of others.  But let’s get to those musical numbers, shall we?

Only the Good Die Young: I enjoyed this number, and not just because it was the first time this season we got serenaded by the dulcet tones of Noah Puckerman.  Okay, that was a large part of it, but…  It was fun, playful, and energetic–and given how down and deep the rest of the episode was, it was kind of necessary.  It was a perfect match for the actor and character.  And was it actually a twisted form of foreshadowing?  I mean, Burt’s going to be okay, but still…  For getting us jazzed right at the top of the episode, for sounding great, and for allowing Mystery Pianist to really tickle the ivories, I give “Only the Good Die Young” a B+.

I Look to You: As a character moment, “I Look to You” served the purpose of reminding us of the connection between Mercedes and Kurt.  As the episode went on, we watched that relationship grow more and more strained.  Granted, the eventual resolution of their troubles was bound to be more rewarding.  But even though Amber Riley tore it up, and even though she did single out the underused Tina and Quinn for back-up, I feel that “I Look to You” could have been left on the cutting room floor.  We’d already learned that Mercedes was on the side of the believers, and we’d already seen her trying to get Kurt to open his mind.  Granted, the song heightens those efforts and Kurt’s reaction to them, but when compared to Mercedes’ second number of the night, “I Look to You” is clearly the lesser.  It’s not that it was a bad performance or a bad choice (truthfully, it ranked above any of last week’s); it was just the weak link in a surprisingly strong chain for me.  So, “I Look to You” earns a B-.

Papa, Can You Hear Me: Consider this the episode’s lost opportunity.  Ignore the fact that Ryan Murphy seems determined to make Lea Michele the next Barbra Streisand.  After all, it would totally be in character for Rachel to reach for this song in such a crisis.  And I, for one, am very glad she did.  This is the best Lea Michele’s voice has sounded in half a season, and this might be the best orchestration the Glee music supervisors have ever composed.  Lea dominates this song, and her voice is carried aloft by a lush, full instrumental ensemble.  But this auditory perfection is married to visual missteps, and as such the song just doesn’t work.  There’s plenty of examples to choose from.  Initially, the song was succeeding by implying that the “Papa” of the title was God, but that twist in focus was ruined by the distracting and repetitive camera work.  Seriously, if there was one more pan over the top of Rachel and Finn’s little shabbat picnic, I was going to be nauseous.  Were they trying to avoid Lea Michele’s over-emoting facial expressions?  Whatever the reason, it was a bad choice.  And while I so badly wanted the song to correct itself–by say, perhaps, cutting away to a montage of Kurt keeping watch in the hospital (perhaps with Finn keeping watch over Kurt)–it instead fell completely apart, by cutting instead to Rachel singing right in Burt’s comatose face.  Why is she singing “Papa, how I miss you kissing me,” to a man who is, um, not her father?  It’s a shame that the writers couldn’t think of a better way to use this song.  As a recording, it’s one of the best in the Glee collection.  As an on-screen musical number, it’s among the most disappointing.  I give it a C+.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand: This was the heartbreaking highlight of the episode.  It’s challenging enough for the Glee writers to find the right songs to fit the given moment.  We have ample evidence of their failures, after all.  But when the brains behind Glee really break out of the box and turn a well-known song on its head, well, you can’t help but admire that kind of creativity.  Kurt’s “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” was one of those moments.  In a pre-song monologue that was perhaps a bit too long and blatant, Kurt explained how the simplest gesture from his dad could mean everything in the world to him.  In a deeper but stronger voice than I recall him having last season, Kurt takes this Beatles classic in his well-moisturized hands and rings every sad bit of life out of it.  It’s a wonderful performance.  What puts it over the edge for me is that this might be the most successful non-diegetic staging of a song in the short, wild life of this show.  I always thought going the music video route was a cop-out for Glee, but I can’t imagine “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” any other way.  This was when I knew the old Glee was back.  For a sound vocal performance, a wonderful visual interpretation, and a beautiful repurposing of the song–not to mention the awesome casting job on Lil’ Kurt–I give “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” an A.  Best number of the season thus far.

Losing My Religion: This song had something good going for it right from the start: it was the most natural transition into song since Quinn ripped into “You Keep Me Hanging On” many moons ago.  While it was a perfect song for the moment, it did mark the beginning of a worrying trend for the rest of the episode.  From “Losing My Religion” on, the musical numbers were terribly truncated.  This is why in retrospect I think we could have lost one (“I Look to You”) or trimmed some others (“Papa”).  Cory Monteith handles this R.E.M. classic well enough.  I give it a B.

Bridge Over Troubled Water: It was unfortunate that “Losing My Religion” was cut down; but it was a capital offense, a cardinal sin, an unforgivable curse that this rendition of Simon and Garfunkel’s classic “Bridge Over Troubled Water” was not heard in its majestic entirety.  In a final attempt to mend her friendship with Kurt, Mercedes invites him to her church, where a mass will be said for his father.  She makes a direct appeal for his understanding and reaffirms her loyalty to him.  And, as if he needed any more convincing, she then launches into this soulful, powerhouse performance.  This right here, ladies and gentlemen, is the textbook 11 o’clock number.  It touches on all the themes and wakes us the hell up for the impending resolution.  Like “I Wanna Hold Your Hand”, it was an inventive stylistic twist on a standard.  Kudos to Ryan Murphy for making it this far before using a gospel choir.  This was the perfect episode for it; any other use would seem gratuitous by comparison.  I just wish we had heard this song full, complete, and uncut.  By virtue only of the harsh edits it suffered, I give “Bridge Over Troubled Water” an A-.

One of Us: This infamous Joan Osborne ditty took the most blows on the chopping block.  The sparse verse and chorus we got function more as a coda than a finale.  The song was an appropriate choice, but it was just so brief.  I also wasn’t crazy about the costuming and staging.  The New Directions gang looked like they were posing for a Calvin Klein commercial.  It was nice that Tina got to do something, though.  There’s not much more to say, since there was not much else to critique.  Given the crowded set list this week, it only ranks a C.

Can Glee keep its high marks going into next week?  We can only hope.  Until next time…

Sue’s Q of the Week: “This country is not a monarchy, Will.  Trust me, I’ve tried.”

~ T

Glee-cap: “Britney/Brittany”

Put down your sheet music.  It’s time for a Glee-cap.

Okay, Ryan Murphy.  I’m glad you got that out of your system.  Now that you’ve exercised your secret, late ’90s bubblegum pop performance fantasies, perhaps you can get back to the business of writing episodic television with a forward-moving plot, buoyed by thematically appropriate musical selections, featuring characters with continuity.

This whole episode, like the characters within, seemed to be on some kind of hallucinogen.  “Britney/Brittany” was almost a parody of Glee.  It was loud, over-the-top, gratuitous, and self-indulgent.  Not even Sue Sylvester was spared.  I’m fairly sure that winding, ridiculous alternate history of the 1968 Democratic convention was written just to see if Jane Lynch would actually say it.  And yet, despite the heightened wattage of the episode, it also seemed flat.  But that’s what happens when you go from three dimensions to two.

That’s not to say there weren’t things to like about the episode.  My only issue is that the things I liked were fleeting and trivial; things like Emma’s self-help brochures, the giant picture of a mouth in Carl’s office, and what I assumed was Kurt’s nod to The Devil Wears Prada.  I thought John Stamos made a fine debut and fits well with the cast.  You may recall that I once suggested the former Full House star would flourish in such a format.  Perhaps I have some readers in Hollywood?

While it was nice to meet Carl, to reconnect with Emma, and to be reminded of Terri, I couldn’t stand the hack jobs being done to our core characters.  Kurt was a sixty-minute hissy-fit that never abated.  Santana would have made Samantha Jones blush with her forward come-ons.  And Jacob Ben Israel’s frustrating social awkwardness was turned into uncomfortable sexual depravity.  Yet all this broad caricature seems palatable when compared to the gross mischaracterization of what is arguably the show’s most central pair, Rachel and Mr. Schue.

Now, if Ryan Murphy plans to make Rachel the villain of Season 2, that’s fine.  I’m sure I can get behind that.  But we’ve already had so many little dust-ups between her and the rest of the club, each and every one always resolved with a quivering lip and a hug, that unless she goes the full psycho-bitch, this is just time wasted.  I thought that the writers were putting Rachel down this path with her ultimatum to Finn in the locker room.  Now, I know Finn is not the sharpest tool in the shed, and he does truly, if inexplicably, care for her; but where does Rachel get off making these demands?  She’s a social misfit with terrible self-image, desperate for attention and praise, who regularly infuriates the only people in her life who ever make even a half-hearted effort to stick up for her.  The only thing she has going for her is a handsome, caring boyfriend, and not even he is immune to her shit.  She thinks she’s the star.  Yes, she is the star…of a losing club.  We’ve been given no evidence to support Rachel’s new, even more wildly inflated sense of self-worth.  There had better be a purpose to this.

Even more confounding was the change in Mr. Schue.  All through the episode, other characters implored Will to kick back, to let loose, to stop being so rigid.  I’m sorry, when has Mr. Schue ever been rigid?  He raps and breakdances with his students after school, for cryin’ out loud!  He chased down Emma after sectionals, acting solely on the impulse of his heart.  He’s had the entire gang to his apartment for a pizza party.  Are these the actions of a man who has to learn to live a little?  I understood his competition with Carl, and I look forward to seeing it play out; but to say that Emma left Will because he was predictable is ridiculous.  She broke things off with him precisely because he had become too unpredictable: indulging April Rhodes again, hooking up with Shelby, stooping to Sue’s level of Machiavellian schemes.  I watched the back nine episodes, writers.  Did you?

As for the star of the episode, I applaud Heather Morris’s perfectly timed delivery and outrageous dance skills.  However, now that we’ve spent a whole hour with her, I would be perfectly happy never to hear more than two lines per episode from her again.  Brittany works best as that random background character.  Bringing her to the forefront this one time was fine, but like I said of Glee once before, less is more.

Now, shall we move on to the music?

I’m A Slave 4 U: The first number of the episode frames all others that follow; that is, each Britney-fied performance is going to be nothing more than the nitrous oxide-addled fantasy of any one of the main characters.  This also means that none of the songs are going to do a single thing to advance or inform the plot.  “Slave” should have been our first warning that something was amiss.  Executed as it was, though, it was admirable; something of a “Best of Britney” catalog.  Heather Morris fit seamlessly into the former Mouseketeer’s most famous looks and routines.  The girl can seriously move.  Yet I still wonder why they chose this song, other than to find an excuse to drape a giant snake across Morris’ shoulders.  I give it a B-.

Me Against the Music: Here’s where the wheels came off for me.  This song was rather pointless.  Putting aside the fact that all a collaboration between Britney Spears and Madonna could yield was this rather forgettable song, look at how blatantly it had to be shoehorned into the episode.  The thinking seems to have been, “Well, Brittany and Santana are a package deal, so they have to sing together at one point.  Did Britney Spears write any duets?  Oh, just that one?  Okay then!”  In an effort to impress the audience, I suppose, this number was the first shot-by-shot remake of a video since last season’s “Vogue”.  Too bad that not only is “Vogue” the better song, it’s the better video, too.  Sure, the cane choreography in the last minute was sweet, and Naya Rivera was joyfully hamming it up, but the long-awaited not-so-secret cameo at the end proved underwhelming as well.  Seriously, this was all the hype?  Three lines?  And, you know, for a show that takes care to lovingly, truthfully portray Kurt’s struggle as a gay teen, what’s with the recurring lesbian jokes at Brittany’s expense?  “Me Against the Music” gets a C.

Hit Me, Baby (One More Time): “Hey, kids!  Did you like that nifty, shot-for-shot remake of Britney’s video?  Not really?  Well, too bad!  Here’s another!”  Forget the unoriginal visuals for a moment, and try to think back to the audio.  I don’t recall the Glee music team ever much tampering with their selections before.  If anything, they AutoTune the vocals to sound as close to the original artists as possible.  But not this time.  No, sir.  What freakin’ key was this song in, and more importantly, why?  I don’t think of Britney Spears as having a particularly deep voice.  Are you telling me Lea Michele couldn’t land those notes, so they had to jump up the scale?  It sounded bizarre.  And what are we supposed to make of Rachel’s Britney epiphany?  She wants to dress like a skank for the boy who already fell for her when she dressed like a grandma?  She never knew she was pretty, even though the most popular guy in school was crushing on her?  This whole sequence was just a complete mess.  I give it a C-, just because I can’t imagine something on Glee will ever be so awful that I’ll have to go lower.

Stronger: Well, this one was a nice change of pace.  What I mean is, how nice to have a song that actually fits the story.  Artie’s fantasies aren’t about Britney Spears; they’re about Tina.  Artie decided last week that the only way to win her back was to join the football team.  I understand the motivation, but color me suspicious.  The fact that this scheme has gone unchallenged for two episodes already has me fearing it’s going to be the “fake pregnancy” subplot of last season.  But I’m not grading the plot; I’m grading the song that the writers paired to it.  And it was a pretty good one.  It was more of a montage than a dance number, but that worked.  Kevin McHale’s voice sounded more AutoTuned than normal, but he gave it his all.  And seeing football players dance in full uniform is always fun.  I give it a B+.

Toxic: You can imagine my excitement once I realized that New Directions was about to perform what I consider to be one of the greatest songs in the history of recorded music.  And you can imagine my disappointment when this is what I got.  I give the choreographer credit for trying to pair Bob Fosse’s style to 21st century techno-pop, but it just didn’t gel.  The moves weren’t sexy; they were silly.  More than that, this song was the closing argument in how off-course “Britney/Brittany” had taken Glee.  Will performing with the kids?  I was just as embarrassed as they were.  And it was impossible to believe that he would perform this particular routine with them.  Remember how in the second episode of Season 1, they performed Salt N Pepa’s “Push It” with maximum smut, much to his disappointment and disapproval?  Well, I guess we have a new Will Schuester on our hands, one who isn’t afraid to sensually gyrate into a bowler hat (yeah, I saw that, Puckerman).  Right, because everyone said he needed to loosen up…except Will was never uptight to begin with.  And I suppose he can win Emma back with this unpredictable act…except that she hates surprises.  Does anyone else see the contradiction?  For highlighting everything that was wrong with this episode, and for wasting a hell of a song, I give “Toxic” a C.

The Only Exception: Since Britney was never too big on the ballads, the writers had written themselves a way out so they could close the episode with Rachel tearfully singing her regrets…again.  Can we have an episode that ends on an upbeat note for once?  And maybe one that doesn’t end with Rachel?  Paramore’s “The Only Exception” has a nice sound to it, even if the lyrics aren’t top-notch.  The only satisfaction I really got from this number was that things remain largely unresolved.  Rachel seems to have come around, but notice how Finn’s adorable grin sags the longer Rachel beams at him.  And Emma isn’t thinking twice about Will.  I thought there was some poetic justice in the fact that these characters remained at a standstill, proof positive that this episode did nothing to move anything forward.  I give this final and most forgettable number of the evening a C.

Here’s hoping things are better next Tuesday.  I leave you now with…

Sue’s Q of the Week: “I mean, seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom.”

~ T

Glee-cap: “Audition”

Well, readers, it’s finally here.  The eagerly awaited second season of Glee began last night and I, one of its harshest critics and biggest fans, was pleased.  The writers took things back to basics while carefully setting up new trajectories for our favorite fictional outcasts to follow in the future.  We got some new characters, and learned some new things about old characters.  And there was Cheyenne Jackson, so really, you can’t go wrong there.

Hi there.

Now, in case you’re wondering, this is going to be the first of what I hope will be regular discussions (or is it dissections?) of the show.  I’ll briefly go over some plot highlights, critique the performances, and close things out with the best Sue Sylvester quote of the week.

So, what did I like in the non-musical portions of “Audition”?  Well, Jacob Ben Israel’s opening expose was brilliant.  I liked that Coach Beiste was both a peculiar punchline and a multi-faceted character.  The Sue-Will dynamic is always fun to play with.  The only person who is more enjoyable to watch against Sue is Quinn, and their first encounter since last year didn’t fail to disappoint.  I liked the Asian jokes, Rachel’s near psychopathy, and Finn’s Cheerio try-out.  And damn, Santana is scary when she’s pissed.  She will cut a bitch!

As for the newbies, Sunshine (played by Charice) and Sam (played by Chord Overstreet), I like what I see so far.  There’s a lot of potential there, and some new blood might be just what this show needs, to test the waters with some new relationships and alter existing ones.  Anything to avoid the gratuitous, indulgent mistakes of last season’s back nine episodes.

Now, on to the songs…

Empire State of Mind:  The biggest show of the last two years performs the biggest song of the last two years.  Well, if you define “biggest” as “most played-out”.  I’m sorry, but this song was done for me after Jay-Z planted himself on one of the parade floats in the Canyon of Heroes last November.  Maybe in other media markets, it’s still fresh.  But here?  If I never hear this song again, it’ll be too soon.  That being said, they did do some good things with it.  I liked that they performed somewhere new (the concrete lunching grounds of William McKinley High, it seems).  I thought the performance was a clever way to give us our first glimpses of Sunshine and Sam.  And I liked that nobody paid attention to their performance.  Unfortunately, I felt more like those other kids than I did the New Directions gang.  I realize it wasn’t supposed to knock anyone’s socks off in the story; but for the loyal viewers, this is what we get after a summer of waiting?  “Empire State of Mind” was exemplary of one of Glee‘s biggest problems when it comes to appropriating Top 40 music: it isn’t exciting to hear singers rap.  The only one with reliable but by no means outrageous skills is Artie, and here he had to share the song with Finn and Puck.  Ultimately, I thought this number was less exciting than the music-free cold open.  I give it a C+.

Telephone: Here was our first chance to hear actress Charice sing…so Ryan Murphy chose one of the most heavily processed songs on the charts as her debut?  Honestly, Ryan Murphy, no more Lady Gaga.  You had a whole freakin’ episode devoted to her and her voluminous catalog of music.  It’s done.  The song had little, if anything, to do with what was going on in the scene.  The staging was boring, but that’s what comes from confining a performance to a restroom.  And what the hell was Lea Michele doing during this song?  She circled that poor little Filipina girl, craning her head and bearing her teeth, like a great white testing the hunk of tuna those Discovery Channel guys hang over the sides of their research boats when making Shark Week documentaries.  Seriously, what the hell?  I half expected her to just bite Charice on the throat, therefore combining Glee with True Blood and instantly giving birth to the grandest, gayest show on television.  But, alas, it was only a dream…  “Telephone” only escapes being a complete failure by virtue of the fact that it was mercifully and hilariously cut off by Sue.  C-, girls.

Billionaire: Finn convinces Sam to a pre-screen with the boys to great effect.  I wasn’t familiar with this song, and I still think there could have been a better choice for Sam’s first performance (I’m not counting the shower solo).  I mean, why couldn’t we have just heard Sam by himself?  We know Artie can rap.  We just saw it twenty minutes ago.  Nevertheless, it was a lot of fun watching the boys jam out.  They gelled quickly and amicably, a noted contrast to Rachel’s surreptitious attempts to kill Sunshine.  Chord Overstreet’s got an appealing if indistinct sound.  I’m interested to see what range he has.  I give this song a B-.  It lacked something in being a true character introduction, since it succeeded more in reintroducing us to existing characters and reminding us not only why we loved them but how far those characters have already come.

Listen: Ah, the proper debut for Charice.  This is the kind of thing that I hope Chord Overstreet gets in the next two weeks: a big, character- and objective-defining solo.  “Listen” was a solid choice, but it seemed kind of lazy, too.  I think that’s just a danger inherent in lifting songs from musicals.  The music supervisors must be tempted to just go to pieces or to characters with similar narratives and pull their biggest, turning-point numbers.  In this case, it was Beyonce’s defiant anthem from the end of Dreamgirls.  Charice has a big and powerful voice in that little body.  I was just a little disappointed to hear that not only had she captured the emotions that Beyonce brought to the song, she had also captured–practically identically–Beyonce’s modulations and riffs.  Seriously, pop in that Dreamgirls soundtrack (come on, you know you have it).  To a note, it was almost the same performance.  The Glee gang has taken chances tinkering with songs before.  Why get lazy now?  Also, I understand it may have been an acting or directing choice, but Charice, keep your damn hands at your sides!  All those little waves and punches and pounds and reaches–Christ, just stand still and sell the song!  Still, it was leaps and bounds beyond her first performance.  I give it a B.

What I Did For Love: Rachel may not have been able to convince her friends that she deserved the Glee Club Soloist’s Crown, but she sure as hell convinced me.  Here was a song perfectly suited for the moment, the character, and the performer.  And even better, the context put a twist on the meaning of the lyrics.  Rachel has to face up that she used her self-professed love of her friends as a cover for her selfish love of herself.  She admits to not just wanting but needing the spotlight.  Shamed by everyone, including Finn, she nevertheless sings that she “can’t regret” what she did.  She did what she had to do then, and in the closing moments of the episode, she sets off towards what she has to do now: earn back the trust of her friends (again).  The song also functioned as a coda for Artie’s failed plan to win Tina back, a pivotal and, one would assume, continuing subplot.  Shot in the vacant, cavernous auditorium, “What I Did For Love” put Rachel where she is simultaneously at her strongest and her most vulnerable.  At center stage, you can’t your eyes off her; and yet, with no one there behind her, you know there’s something missing.  Well done, Glee team.  A-.

And finally…

Sue’s Q of the Week: “Now take your juicy, vine-ripened chest fruit and get the hell out of my office.”

Until next week, Gleeks!

~ T

Some Enchanted Evening

If you have nothing to watch tonight (or even if you do), then I’m going to insist that you turn on your local PBS station at 8:00 for tonight’s presentation of Live at Lincoln Center.  The program will be broadcasting from the Vivian Beaumont Theater, where they will be showing tonight’s performance of Lincoln Center’s revival of South Pacific.

This production, which opened over two years ago, is the first full-scale Broadway revival of South Pacific since the original production in 1949.  The general consensus among Broadway creative types had been that the show was an important but unmountable classic.  Its operatic score wouldn’t hold up in a field of pop/rock competition.  Its tone was too naive for a public watching war unfold.  Its script also trafficked in stereotype that would be a death knell in the politically correct age.  But director Bartlet Sher shook the dust off South Pacific, and assembled an unbeatable on- and off-stage team to breathe ebullient, arresting new life into the piece.

For this special Live at Lincoln Center event, and for the remainder of the show’s run, the original principal cast members (except for Matthew Morrison; he’s a little busy with Glee) have returned.  I mean no disrespect to their replacements, but having seen the show with the original cast, I can’t imagine it any other way.  Morrison inhabited the humble, duty-bound Cable as fully as he does the passionate Mr. Schu.  Danny Burstein and Loretta Ables Sayre took two roles that may have been written as comic relief and turned them into crucial, three-dimensional characters.  And Kelli O’Hara and Paulo Szot, as star-crossed idealists Nellie and Emile, had some of the most believable and enviable on-stage chemistry I’ve ever seen.  They also have voices that are more or less unparalleled in the Broadway community.  You listen to Paulo Szot sing “Some Enchanted Evening” or “This Nearly Was Mine”, and you just think, “Man, they don’t write shit like that anymore,” and then you kind of wish somebody would.

Paulo Szot and Kelli O'Hara, making Rodgers & Hammerstein sexy again

Almost upstaging the cast are the astonishing sets, which make use of every square inch of the Beaumont’s malleable space, and the phenomenal pit orchestra, which, at thirty-five tuxedo-ed members strong, provides the first and perhaps greatest thrill of the entire performance.  I only hope it can be adequately captured on camera.

So, really, park yourself on the couch at 7:59 and take advantage of the fact that you can watch what has been one of the best things on Broadway these past two–or maybe ten–years for free.

~ T

Hasta La Vista, Betty

Last night was the series finale of Ugly Betty.  Even though I’m used to having my favorite shows fall to the axe of cancellation (Rome, Farscape, and the singular Mystery Science Theater 3000, to name a few), Betty‘s abrupt departure is still a disappointment.  I take some comfort in the fact that the show finished beautifully, having been better these final weeks than it had been in years.

Betty was a bona fide hit its first two seasons, racking up big ratings and big press.  Its third year was riddled with problems.  Production moved from LA to New York, but not everyone in the cast wanted to make the move as well.  Storylines that had been brewing had to be quickly wrapped up, and were done so unsatisfactorily.  ABC also kept changing its time slot, which did nothing to secure the fan base that was already deteriorating, unimpressed with the lacking material (Wilhelmina’s baby scheme, the Hartleys, etc).  The general consensus was that a fourth season could well be the last, evidenced by ABC putting Betty in the hospice of prime-time programming, Friday night at 8:00.

The spunkiest journalist since Mary Tyler Moore

But the fourth season got off to a stellar start.  The show was getting back to its core characters, and those characters were getting back to themselves.  Just as things were humming along, ABC decided not only to pass on renewing the series, but to cut its final season short by two episodes.  Much like the show’s titular heroine, the creative team shook off this sucker punch and poured all their energy into making the most of this unfortunate situation.  The result was some of the most satisfying television I’ve watched all season.

The last few episodes were vintage Betty.  They pushed the envelope in terms of humor, content, and the story’s plausibility (and thus, the fans’ loyalty).  Given the circumstances, they delivered a near-perfect finale.  The show that wore its heart on its sleeve delivered happy endings and new beginnings for all its major players.  Yet what was most pleasing of all was that most of these conclusions were rather open-ended.  “Resolutions” might be the better word for them.  Problems were resolved, but there was clearly the potential for others.  Things between Claire and Wilhelmina, between Marc and Troy, and certainly between Daniel and Betty were not tied up with a sparkly bow (though I thought this last duo’s story was expertly handled).  The cast and crew showed us that there was still life left in these characters, and that there were still many stories to tell.  We’re just being left to write them on our own.

So, three cheers for Ugly Betty.  It was a show with outrageous humor, abundant heart, and a sincere pride in its own unique nature.  Part office comedy, part family drama, part telenovela, it embraced its individuality as freely and unabashedly as its memorable, multi-faceted characters did their own.  They were all strong, loving, fragile, ambitious, bitchy, selfless, sneaky, and loyal in their own oddball ways.  And they were played with relish by one of the most talented and diverse ensemble casts now or forever on prime-time.  Black, white, Latina, Asian; gay, straight, transgendered; beautiful or beauty-challenged–everyone was represented on Ugly Betty.  For a show that existed in an admittedly heightened state of reality, this was the thing perhaps most genuine about it.  I think Betty herself learned the lesson the creators set out to have her teach the world: you can’t judge a book (or trendy magazine) by its cover.

Farewell, all Suarezes, Meades, and Modies. See you on DVD.

~ T