Honestly of the Week: 1-10-09

Buckle up, kids.  It’s time for the first Honestly of the Week.  You’ve been warned…

Wednesday was a rainy day in New York City.  Rainy days are, in my opinion, the most dangerous days in New York City.  This danger typically manifests itself in the form of a well-dressed man, somewhere in his thirties or forties, who is so determined to stay dry that he is holding over his head an umbrella so preposterously large that Ringling Brothers could set up shop beneath it.

Why is this necessary?  I’m usually just as big as–if not larger–than these men, and I don’t need the wingspan of a Cessna to keep me dry.  My umbrella can fit comfortably in my little man-bag when it’s collapsed.  I don’t have to–or choose to-use it as my royal sceptre once the skies have cleared, walking through the streets of New York like some Gilded Age buffoon.  And when the rain is falling and my umbrella is open, I understand that my umbrella doesn’t take on the magical quality of enveloping me inside an impenetrable forcefield.  You got that, Mary Poppins?  Stop fucking knocking into me with your sails.  It’s not my fault that you can’t clear enough airspace for that zeppelin you’re brandishing like some front-line Roman legionnaire.  Keep that thing on the golf course, where it belongs, with the rest of the tacky shit your company gives away.

Honestly, men with giant umbrellas.  Honestly…

~ T


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