Monday night was a great one for our kickball team. We continued our unprecedented winning streak, running the score to a season high. Everyone played their strongest. Most importantly, we almost had a repeat of last fall’s storied play-off confrontation.
The final score was 19 – 5, and every single one of us contributed to that offensive thrashing. We had at least three triples; they likely would have been homers if the ground had not been so slick. Excellently placed bunts kept runners moving around the bases. Some agile base running from the likes of Pete and Nate earned us some extra cushioning runs.
This was all to the great chagrin of our opponents, hereafter known as the Brown Bastards. They earned this name because all of the guys on their team, save one, were complete douchebags. They shook their heads and kicked at the ground each time we scored. They muttered under their breath at us as we passed each other taking the field. They cursed and punched the air in frustration when they got out.
Their complete toolishness crested in the middle of the game, when Jenny hit a nice line drive to shallow right field. One of the Brown Bastards, a fellow taller and more taught than I, scooped the ball up and, rather than tossing it to the ready first basegal, threw it at Jenny as hard as he could. And when I say hard, I mean hard. He took a hop and wound up, for Christ’s sake. She was twenty feet away! The ball smashed her square in the face. Remarkably, she didn’t bleed, or cry, or fall over. I would have likely done all three, if only for dramatic effect. Instantly, our team was ready to kick some woman-hating ass. To his credit, Jenny’s assailant was apologetic, which was a nice change from the last dickhead who tried to rumble with us. Jenny was willing to let it slide, but the rest of us were not as understanding. When umpire Ryan asked us to stop running up the score, we told him in no uncertain terms to shut his piehole. If they weren’t showing mercy, neither would we. We also got Woman Hater to pay for some of our drinks at the bar after. That’s right; first we’ll emasculate you, and then we’ll take your money.
Moral of this story? Don’t. Fuss. With us.
Play-offs are on the horizon. Can we keep the magic alive?
Game 6 Brief
Record: 5 -1
MVP of the Week: Jenny – For sacrificing her body to the game. Not only was she pegged in the mouth, she was also forced to slide into second and third while running the bases. The girl is probably just one giant black-and-blue by now.
Weekly “Not En Fuego” Award: Nate – After two good innings on the mound and some solid at-bats, Nate left early; to play hockey, no less. Leaving the game before it’s over is one thing; leaving it to go participate in the sport that last tore your groin asunder and almost sidelined you from kickball is another. Get your priorities straight, Nathan.
Quote of the Week: “Scott should get hit with the ball. I mean, look at that nose. It was made to be broken.” ~ Josh.