A belated update for all you sports fans out there. Last Thursday, the skies parted long enough for us to take the field in Hoboken for the second week of summer kickball. We battled it out with our villains of the week, the notorious Sluggz, who we have faced many times before. It was a classic kickball match for us, with our opponents and official helping to heap on the volume and bewilderment.
Now, as a group, we have been known to forget our batting order, or the number of outs, or which inning it is. That’s to be expected. We do, however, tend to have our memories in check when it counts; like, say, when running the bases. We are to be commended, then, for crossing that barrier on Thursday. No fewer than three times did our baserunning amnesia nearly yield double plays up to our opponents on silver platters. And yet, the Sluggz never managed to realize our fat, glaring mistakes until it was too late. To add insult to injury, we were able to turn our mind-numbingly stupid errors into extra runs. It was like nothing I’d ever seen.
Equally astounding was the focus of our space cadet umpire. Oh, he was friendly enough, but he almost let one at bat continue to a fourth out, and he was happy to send us out to start what would have been the 8th inning had we not all corrected him and his clipboard. Look, sir, I value you giving your time to referee our silly little game, but there can only be one slack-jawed entity at each game, and that’s my team’s job. You’re the rudder, buddy. You keep this ship afloat and keep us on course. You’re the saintly teacher’s aide, and we’re the baker’s dozen of short bus-riding hair-chewers tethered together in sled team formation by yards of red velcro. Got it? Good.
It was one small step for man, one giant step for idiot kind as we defeated the Sluggz, 6 – 4. Scott and Spitz alternated on the mound. Volpe and Kish stepped out from their comfort zones of first base and left field respectively. Pete was a super slugger, raking in the RBIs. Yours Truly made many good grabs in right field, and even willed a high pop-up foul with some spastic dancing. And Jill made her first out playing second base!
If the monsoons pass, we’ll be playing again on Wednesday. Stay tuned.
Game 2 Brief
Record: 1 – 1
MVP of the Week: Joe – Simply unstoppable in left center field, Joe never missed a chance to make an out. He also managed an unassisted double play, catching a deep fly ball and then pegging an overeager runner as he tried to tag up and make it from second to third. Finally, Joe was part of one of our first baserunning incidents, and it was his careful timing that allowed us to put another run on the board. Good work, rookie.
Weekly “Not En Fuego” Award: Rachel – I know you’re not even on the team this season, but man, if there was a night we needed somebody to get in other people’s faces, this was it. Some of the Sluggz didn’t take too kindly to our baserunning tactics, or the ref’s decision to uphold them. One guy in particular was pretty vocal about his disagreement. Well, where were you, Rachel? Where were you when we needed somebody all up in this guy’s business, kicking dirt, throwing hats, and jabbing fingers into chests? You’ve let us down, little lady.
Quote of the Week: “I am an excellent box packer.” ~ Jill, innocently proclaiming her prowess for moving, accidentally inciting a day’s worth of tasteless, inappropriate, and wildly hilarious e-mails loaded with immature, crass, and totally awesome double entendres amongst the kickball team.