Hello, sports fans! After four consecutive cancellations due to inclement weather (look at us, already setting records), the revised and revitalized Goddamnit Gerber squad took to the field at Momma Johnson Park to kick off kickball season! In an appropriately innocuous return, we were trounced by our opponents, the cleverly crude Balls Deep, 12 – 2. But the game was not without its moments.
There was much excitement in the outfield. To catch a fly ball in shallow right, Volpe ran backwards from first and Brandon ran in from the warning track. Narrowly avoiding a collision, the ball bounced from Volpe’s hands, over his head, and directly into Brandon’s arms for the out. No less impressive was Jenny’s catch in center field, assisted as she was–and always has been–by her boobs.
Our infield was put through their paces, as well. Amanda was always ready for the force play at second base. Volpe covered a number of fouls off the first baseline, giving us some clutch outs. Our pitching rotation of Spitz and Scott was a little shaky in our season opener, though Scott was throwing some heat. If only they had all been over the plate…
In the end, though, we couldn’t match Balls Deep’s deep drives and daring baserunning. We did, however, come away with the moral victory. After all, there was no one on our team who tried to psych out an opponent by shouting in his face when a routine fly ball was about to be caught. What a douchebag.
Our next game is this Wednesday at 8. Stay tuned!
Game 1 Essentials
Record: 0 – 1
MVP of the Week: Volpe – For the assist in right field, the crucial coverage of foul territory, and showing that shouting dickhead who’s boss.
Weekly Not En Fuego Award: George – For abandoning his team for almost an entire inning to go take a leak. Honestly, George? Were you not there when Referee Ryan taught us all the sneaky pee technique?
Quote of the Week: “You aren’t off tomorrow? Who do you work for? Jews?” – Erin, taking note of Good Friday